Grow & Glow (Trigger warning)

For all my girlies working their butt off, I see you.

I have to be transparent and say that I was going to do this blog post on how many brain delays are actually trauma responses, but I threw that out the window (next time) as soon as I popped on my Rihanna playlist. My playlist automatically brought me back to 12-year-old me singing Umbrella..... It's insane how much we change, develop, and grow with time. My life hasn't been terrible, but it's definitely been traumatic at the same time. Yeah, I just contradicted myself, if you know, you know. But if you don't know, I'll give a short explanation. I've come to the fact that I had a family that really did love me so much but didn't always know how to express that love- I say that to say I don't blame anyone whatsoever for who I was; I just blame the system of things we live in. Everything I experienced is Bible prophecy (2 Timothy 3:16,17). I am genuinely not a storyteller. I wish I was, but I'm not. I am a let's-get-to-the-point type of gal, you know what I mean? But I will tell you what triggered this blog post. It was my well-intentioned but slightly rude eyebrow lady that I've literally gotten into the airport to get back to. She says to me: "Sweetie, you're too pretty for all this acne. Go see a dermatologist immediately," then she repeated it in her motherly tone approximately four times if I recall correctly. And since the experience is etched in my brain, I am sure it's four times. Why was this experience so traumatizing? Because it was my LASSSSSSST straw. The amount of "suggestions" I've had about my skin, my weight, simply living is insane. And I am actually over it. I've worked my tail feather off to get to the place I've gotten to with my spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical health. So, let's just get into it.

My mental, emotional, and physical timeline:

1996- Born: single seventeen-year-old mother, who was trying to navigate her own trauma responses.

1998- Diagnosed with a life-threatening disease. My family was told they didn't know if I would make it past my teenage years.

1998-2017- Yeah, I skipped a lot, but through this time, I had already been hospitalized at least 15 times in my life (The 6th floor was my designated hospital at Children's Hospital in Boston). I spent my teenage years in and out of group homes, lived out of my car a couple of times, a shelter once, had three miscarriages, tried to commit suicide two or three times, a few weekend stays at mental institutions, there is so much more but I feel like you get the gist.

I've been on go mode my entire life. I didn't get a moment to breathe, to truly smile, to live, to be a child, a teen, a friend, a person. Yet, I've gotten some of the most criticizing, judgmental, unkind, disloyal comments ever. Little do they know that I am grateful that the biggest thing I have to worry about right now in my life is my volcanic acne or the scars that come with them. I am so grateful.

I began my in-depth healing journey in 2018, a journey that has made me value balance, grounding, and center more than anything you've ever known. It hasn't been easy, and I've had my setbacks time and time again, but I've fought to become a better person; therefore, I can't take another comment on how I'm too "emotional", too "people-pleasing", too "pretty for acne". I AM TRYING EVERYDAY, WE ARE ALL TRYING EVERYDAY. So, if your friend, family member, or client shows up tomorrow in a indifferent space, don't make them feel guilty for being in that place- give them grace. Apologize that they are going through that right now, and then support them so they can be better the next day.

I am writing this for the girlies that were told they would never be able to be what they wanted to be because of who they were, the girlies that were the black sheep. espect and love every aspect of your present moment, and please don't ever let anyone feel like you have to rush to get to the GLOW aspect of GROW. For those who are already glowing I love that you're in that era and I am rooting for you. But please, remember where you started. Be intentional about your words; you don't know what a person is going through or the work they are putting in. R

Journal Prompts For My Growing Girlies:

• What is your mental, emotional, physical timeline?

• What kind of changes have you made spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically?

• What are some of the ways you've shut down the inner sparkle that you've fought for to keep others comfortable?

• Who are you becoming? Do you love her?

• What are some changes you'd like to personally make to get to your glowing era?

I Loveee You,

Makayla