Identify Your Attachment style

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Hello friends, I'm Shanice. Makayla asked me to write this blog as a newfound self-development junkie. Currently, my goal is to transform from the caterpillar that I am into a beautiful butterfly! I have always believed in growth, but recently, my interest in unlearning my limiting belief systems has skyrocketed. It has taken me on a deep dive into the world of personality development.

Have you ever experienced that painfully anxious feeling when you have to wait for something? I've been so interested in resetting my brain, simply because of that feeling. I genuinely can't deal with the anxiety and overwhelm that I experience when faced with uncertainty or unsure responses from others. Ya know?

Imagine this – me, with a safari hat, navigating the dense jungles of my thoughts. It's like being a detective in a crime show, but the mystery is 'Who Am I?' Spoiler alert: still figuring it out. That's how I've been feeling every day; I just want to discover who I am and break the thoughts that drive terrible feelings into my body.

Since starting this journey, I've "discovered" something really exciting; well, John Bowlby really is the one who deserves the cred for that one, but you get it. It's been life-changing information (and I am not easily sold when it comes to that).

This hidden, not-so-hidden gem is called the 'Attachment Theory.' John's theory is that if you healthily attach to your caregiver, you'll have a secure attachment to them (we all are imperfect, so there's a slim chance of that for anyone). On the other side of the coin, if you had an unhealthy, chaotic, or troublesome time with your caregiver (most of us), you will end up showing up in life in that way, whether it be relationships, business, goals, school, the list goes on.

Since most people likely struggled with their caregiver, how do we go from that anxious or unhealthy attachment to secure? Well, BrainPassion has made the transition much smoother; it's by resetting the brain's stress response system. But before we get too deep, let's refocus. Identifying my attachment style gave me the awareness I needed to understand my need to break belief systems and reset my brain.

I had to determine if I was a:

Are you the type that feels that they have a solid foundation of healthy bonds? I promise you, I am not there yet. But close, I pray!! Individuals with secure attachment styles feel comfortable with emotional intimacy and are confident in their relationships.

• Example: Sarah and Mark have a strong, trusting relationship. They communicate openly about their feelings, provide support to each other, and feel secure in the knowledge that they can rely on one another. The question: were they taught this in childhood, or did they have to reteach themselves?

Do you seek reassurance and fear of abandonment? Well, you're not alone. People with anxious-preoccupied attachment styles often crave closeness and fear rejection.

• Example: As a person who has an anxious attachment style, I'm like a houseplant—I thrive on regular doses of encouragement and positive vibes. Forget water; just shower me with compliments, reassurance, and maybe the occasional 'You're doing amazing, sweetie!”

Are you the "I will push you away type", the emotionally uninterested type? Individuals with dismissive-avoidant attachment styles value independence and may struggle with emotional intimacy.

• Example: Chris values independence and often distances himself emotionally from his partner, Taylor. Chris may find it challenging to engage in deep emotional conversations or express vulnerability. They prioritize personal space and autonomy in the relationship.

Are you the mixture style? Navigating conflicting desires for closeness and independence. I was surprised when Makayla told me that this was what she got when she first took the quiz almost 8 years ago! Fearful-avoidant attachment styles (also known as disorganized), encompass a mix of anxious and dismissive tendencies, leading to internal conflict in relationships.

• Example: Jamie experiences conflicting desires for closeness and independence in their relationship with Morgan. Jamie may crave intimacy but also fear getting too close, leading to a push-and-pull dynamic. This internal conflict can create challenges in navigating the balance between connection and autonomy.

Identifying your attachment style helps you better understand how you show up in relationships and gives you a strong idea of WHY. From there, you have the opportunity to change the way your brain responds to social interactions and situations. I am so happy we are on this beautiful journey together! I am certain Makayla will write you guys a great post on how these styles impact the brain. For now, take the quiz to identify your style and connect with me below. I love like-minded peeps!